i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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