Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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