this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
