I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize