So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
