At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
