So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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