This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I need water and some morals
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
