My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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