dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
