I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize