too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
