I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
