i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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