We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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