im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
