She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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