You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
