Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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