worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
