u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
