oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
