I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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