I wanna bring you to show and tell
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
