I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize