dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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