i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize