Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
