yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
