When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
