i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
