Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
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