Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
