barbara walters just said penis...
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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