I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
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