The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
