I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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