Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Randomize
