Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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