Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
