WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
