Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize
