Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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