Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
