I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
