The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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