you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
