My friends, they love my intelligence
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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