Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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