I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
