It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
