There is no way he is gay with that hair.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
lol hangovers are for mortals.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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