You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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