i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
