somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
