I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
