Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
