Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize