I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
