Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
