so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
