He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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