Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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