and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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