Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
