note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
