im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
