In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
