Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
