dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
