saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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