Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
