i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
This is my gift to your gina
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
